Hunt over and done with

and now I'm back home from faraway town Stavanger :) The trip was really nice, I had a really good time, and seeing my hawk again was a feeling beyond description, I've missed him =) Leaving wasn't half as pleasant, but it wasn't so bad, seeing I had had such a good time... However, somehow, I've feeling completely hopeless right now... Crying my eyes off and only a few hours until work =/

Let me try to explain (long rant coming up, beware). I guess the "creativity" part of this blog has been pretty obvious so far (15 pictures challenge, for example), and the "beguiled wolf" beeing myself. However, I haven't gotten to the "atrocious dreams" part before now. I'm dreaming a lot, and I tend to have vivid, detailed dreams which I tend to remember quite often when I wake up. A lot of these dreams happen to be pretty horrid nightmares, you know, the usual kind, being hunted, attempted killed etc etc. But a couple of nights in a row now the nightmares have changed into something else. Being ignored, abandoned, unloved... It's not a good feeling, waking up and feeling that the person you care the most about would rather have nothing to do with you.

However, it's just not because of the dreams I'm feeling like this now. And anyways. Dreams usually have a base in reality, they are, after all, the brain's way to process your dreams and thoughts throughout the day. I'm not sure why, but ever since I came back, I've felt that I've become less important, less cared about. Mostly just by one person. My hawk. It might be a silly feeling, I know. But it's the way it rolls. Some reasons I've come up with; did I do something wrong? Has he given up because of the distance? Is he more interested in someone else? (and I wouldn't exclude his ex here, as I'm pretty sure he's not really over her yet, and would do a lot to get her back. But this part here wouldn't bother me, I think, as I think it would make it easier for me to move on. The way it is now, I'm still going around, constantly hoping). But most of all, did he just tire of me? Or even got annoyed with me? I just wish I could be a completely different person sometimes, someone who's easier to like than the current me. I know I can be a pain sometimes, and I hate the way I act at times. So I just wish I could be more like people would like me to be, and maybe I wouldn't have lost my hawk either. I know, it's stupid. But I'm guess I'm in a mood now. I haven't felt this down in ages.

But what's there to do? Other than dry my tears, have some breakfast and prepare for work where I'll have to smile to a whole bunch of unknown people and pretend this is a fucking great day.

Expect a delay in my challenge.
(working on another project with a deadline, need to get that done before anything else)

- Ulvinnen

(Ps, next time I submit a text, I won't be so down, I promise :)
Just needed to pour my heart out to no one in particular)