Sorry for being so slow with my updates, but my creativity has pretty much been nonexistant lately, so that's why I've thought it kind of pointless to update recently... =P But I'm pleased to let you know that I'm almost done with the next drawing in my challenge, and I'll try my best to at least get it done this week (or maybe today if I get the time :) )
Another reason for lack of updates is that school has started up again, and my teachers thought it best to -not- have a soft start :P So I've been seriously busy with homework and studying and whatnot. I still work as well in the weekends, but thank goodness it's not as much as before :) Hopefully my working hours will be reduced to every other weekend as well, and I'll have more time for both studying and drawing!
Lastly, I have some social calls as well I suppose. Later today I'll go out with Mari and have a coffee. Haven't seen her since New Year's Eve, so it'll be a nice meeting :) Speaking of New Year's... New year, new possibilities, right? Well, in my case that seems about right. It's odd how this seems inevitable in my posts, but... I've met a guy :) He's very sweet and kind, but I think that's all I'm going to say for now, just to not jinx anything (or it doesn't work out, which seems so often to be the case.... :( ) I just hope things will work out this time, we have a great connection, and most things seem to be going really well between u at the moment :)
But now it's time to get back to my studies! I have a lot to read and (it feels like) so little time...
See you later, and then with a new drawing, promise! ;)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, December 11, 2009
Christmas and stuff
Yeah, pretty much =P
I'm done with my exams now! Had my last one yesterday, it was my exam in Japanese, I kinda have a bad feeling about it (even though I felt pretty good about it -before- the exam... =P ), but... now it's over and done with, not much more I can do ^^ I'll get the answer in a week or two I hope =) On the other hand, I just got my result for my ExFac exam, and I passed! It was the toughest class I've ever had, and I was convinced I'd fail, so I'm endlessly thankful I passed and don't have to take it all over again!
I've gotten a new job now, so I'll finally get some more money! Which is good, because I just checked my account, and nothing but red numbers in there... depressing, especially now right before christmas and still got presents to buy ^^; But I'll get some money in a couple of days I think, so I'll manage ^^ My mom came to visit me yesterday and we went christmas-shopping together, and she bought us lunch and dinner, AND she bought several of the christmas presents for me (the ones going out to out family), because she feels sorry for me, and because this is the first time I've been in need of money since I moved out =P I love my mom~ <3
And since Nicole, one of the sweetest people I know about, had her birthday a couple of days ago, I had to make her a drawing ^^ I've been too busy with exams and work to be able to work on the challenge lately (and besides.... my computer broke down, so I'm computer-less for the time being ;_; I'm not good with electronics ^^; ), but here's the drawing I made for her (it's all about being creative and producing anyways, even though it's not necessarily a drawing for my Challenge ^^ ):
I'm really in the mood for drawing some more, so I really hope I'll get some money soon to fix my computer! In any case I might be able to show you some more, so have some patience, and I'll see what can be done ;)
Hope you'll all have a very Merry Christmas if I don't show up here again before that! :)
Spend some time with the family and relax for a little while, I think many of us need it now.
Spend some time with the family and relax for a little while, I think many of us need it now.
- Ulvinnen
Monday, November 23, 2009
Exams coming up....
Just two more days now =S And I have hardly opened my books at all! Ugh, unbelievable... But after this update, I'll be a good girl and hit the books. Think there are two main reasons I haven't been studying much;
1. I feel that I'm pretty much fucked over when it comes to this subject (exfac) anyways, so what's the point in me reading up on it when it doesn't make sense to me, and I can't remember anything of it for the life of me? I'm pretty sure I'll fail, because this subject is so far from anything I can do, it's not even funny.
2. ...omg, this is gonna be about guys again, isn't it? Yes, indeed it is =) You might remember I've been telling about this 'other guy' I met at new years eve? Well, I kinda had some people over here 3 days ago or so, and he unexpectedly turned up. I was.... slightly taken off guard. To put it mildly. And I was insanely happy, of course. Aaaand as the evening progressed (and we both started out with about 8 shots of tequila each......), things started happening. Just little things, and it was pretty much innocent. I was really happy things had progressed with him, more than I'd really hoped for, but then all those evil thoughts started crawling back into my head. I don't really think he's interested at all, and the only reason anything happened at all should obviously be all the tequila. I haven't heard a word from him since that night, and I strongly doubt I will, but I'll at least try to get some contact with him, without making him annoyed by trying -to- hard. It's a fine line. So yeah, now I'm just going around feeling down because of that, because this is a guy I've been pretty much fascinated with for almost a year now. And that's a long while for someone I've barely met. I don't quite understand it myself, I find it kind of odd, but... That's just the way it is. Either I hope to get some sign that he actually -is- slightly interested, or I hope he'll turn me down so I can get my mind off him. Either way is fine (although I strongly would prefer the first one... =) ), I just need a straight answer.
Been having some pretty horrid nightmares again too. It's fascinating how they never seem to end, really. Lately it's been the "chased and attempted murdered" ones again. Me locking myself into the room I sleep in when I visit my grandparents, people (my mother, I think) slamming on the door trying to break it open, and me trying to escape through the window, onto the roof, but the roof is slippery and I don't dare step out on it. I understand what some of it means, but not everything. Oh wells, hopefully they'll stop eventually ^^;
I've also gotten a new job now =) It wasn't supposed to be a regular job, I was just gonna cover for my roomie when she leaves for the US, but apparently... the manager had other thoughts, and I think he intends for me to stay there for about 5 years =/ I'll just try my best and see how it turns out, God knows I need the money =)
And lastly, don't have a drawing for you this time, had some other things to think about lately, but I am working on a drawing, even though it's not a part of my Challenge. I'll post it here when it's done, I'm hoping to make it a birthday present for a friend of mine, Nicole :)
Okay, sorry again for the long post ^^;
I'll try to get some reading done now, just hope I won't get distracted by thoughts of.... well, you'd know if you read this whole, long rant :)
Take care!
- Ulvinnen
1. I feel that I'm pretty much fucked over when it comes to this subject (exfac) anyways, so what's the point in me reading up on it when it doesn't make sense to me, and I can't remember anything of it for the life of me? I'm pretty sure I'll fail, because this subject is so far from anything I can do, it's not even funny.
2. ...omg, this is gonna be about guys again, isn't it? Yes, indeed it is =) You might remember I've been telling about this 'other guy' I met at new years eve? Well, I kinda had some people over here 3 days ago or so, and he unexpectedly turned up. I was.... slightly taken off guard. To put it mildly. And I was insanely happy, of course. Aaaand as the evening progressed (and we both started out with about 8 shots of tequila each......), things started happening. Just little things, and it was pretty much innocent. I was really happy things had progressed with him, more than I'd really hoped for, but then all those evil thoughts started crawling back into my head. I don't really think he's interested at all, and the only reason anything happened at all should obviously be all the tequila. I haven't heard a word from him since that night, and I strongly doubt I will, but I'll at least try to get some contact with him, without making him annoyed by trying -to- hard. It's a fine line. So yeah, now I'm just going around feeling down because of that, because this is a guy I've been pretty much fascinated with for almost a year now. And that's a long while for someone I've barely met. I don't quite understand it myself, I find it kind of odd, but... That's just the way it is. Either I hope to get some sign that he actually -is- slightly interested, or I hope he'll turn me down so I can get my mind off him. Either way is fine (although I strongly would prefer the first one... =) ), I just need a straight answer.
Been having some pretty horrid nightmares again too. It's fascinating how they never seem to end, really. Lately it's been the "chased and attempted murdered" ones again. Me locking myself into the room I sleep in when I visit my grandparents, people (my mother, I think) slamming on the door trying to break it open, and me trying to escape through the window, onto the roof, but the roof is slippery and I don't dare step out on it. I understand what some of it means, but not everything. Oh wells, hopefully they'll stop eventually ^^;
I've also gotten a new job now =) It wasn't supposed to be a regular job, I was just gonna cover for my roomie when she leaves for the US, but apparently... the manager had other thoughts, and I think he intends for me to stay there for about 5 years =/ I'll just try my best and see how it turns out, God knows I need the money =)
And lastly, don't have a drawing for you this time, had some other things to think about lately, but I am working on a drawing, even though it's not a part of my Challenge. I'll post it here when it's done, I'm hoping to make it a birthday present for a friend of mine, Nicole :)
Okay, sorry again for the long post ^^;
I'll try to get some reading done now, just hope I won't get distracted by thoughts of.... well, you'd know if you read this whole, long rant :)
Take care!
- Ulvinnen
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Been a while...
Haven't been in here for a little while now, had one hundred and fifty things to think about lately :P Wow, just realized I've managed to be in a relationship and get dumped (again) since the last time I updated!! Good thing is that I'm over the worst part now, so there won't be a long depressing rant like it was the last time =p But seriously! What am I doing wrong? :O Hehe, something will work out eventually I guess ^^
My challenge is coming along as well! I actually have two new drawings for you this time, since I've been so lazy updating this page =P
The first one, "Hunt" - I am not at all pleased with this... It was coming along nicely, but I decided to finish it up really quickly the night I got dumped by my latest boyfriend, just to get my mind on other things after a long while with just crying ^^ So the result is less than good, but hopefully, one day, I'll manage to redo the whole thing;
As a wrote in my description on my deviantART account; "This is hunt and, inevitably, someone ends up getting hurt". I'm not always the most positive of people... :P
Next is the fourth picture in my challenge, "Innocence":
Guess this isn't all to bad? I was pretty pleased with it once I was done with it, but meh... Not so sure any more... Very much in the mood for drawing now, just for the sake of improving, so once I'm through with the rest of my homework in Japanese (exams coming up quicker than I'd like!) I might start on the next drawing in my challenge ^^ If you wonder what the heck this picture has to do with innocence, by the way, drop by my deviantART page and find it there, it's a better description there, for those who are interested :P
Haha, and I managed to lose my mobile... So I got a new one. Again :D This time it's a Sony Ericsson T707, it's pretty~ I'll try to be more careful with this one, promise ^^
Oh, and before I'm completely off, I can tell you that me and some friends have started a movie club (geeky, I know :P ) at our school, and every other Tuesday we show an Asian movie. I'm in charge of making the posters for the movies we're showing, and this Tuesday we're showing the Chinese movie "Infernal Affairs" (the movie "The Departed" is a ripoff of this movie, this is the better and original version ;p ), and this is the poster I made for it. I usually make it together with Marius, but he was busy that day, but he made the description/text xD
Pretty neat, ey? ^^
Anyways, that's all for now! I'll try to be back soon with a new drawing, so stay tuned ;)
Jaa ne!
My challenge is coming along as well! I actually have two new drawings for you this time, since I've been so lazy updating this page =P
The first one, "Hunt" - I am not at all pleased with this... It was coming along nicely, but I decided to finish it up really quickly the night I got dumped by my latest boyfriend, just to get my mind on other things after a long while with just crying ^^ So the result is less than good, but hopefully, one day, I'll manage to redo the whole thing;
As a wrote in my description on my deviantART account; "This is hunt and, inevitably, someone ends up getting hurt". I'm not always the most positive of people... :P
Next is the fourth picture in my challenge, "Innocence":
Guess this isn't all to bad? I was pretty pleased with it once I was done with it, but meh... Not so sure any more... Very much in the mood for drawing now, just for the sake of improving, so once I'm through with the rest of my homework in Japanese (exams coming up quicker than I'd like!) I might start on the next drawing in my challenge ^^ If you wonder what the heck this picture has to do with innocence, by the way, drop by my deviantART page and find it there, it's a better description there, for those who are interested :P
Haha, and I managed to lose my mobile... So I got a new one. Again :D This time it's a Sony Ericsson T707, it's pretty~ I'll try to be more careful with this one, promise ^^
Oh, and before I'm completely off, I can tell you that me and some friends have started a movie club (geeky, I know :P ) at our school, and every other Tuesday we show an Asian movie. I'm in charge of making the posters for the movies we're showing, and this Tuesday we're showing the Chinese movie "Infernal Affairs" (the movie "The Departed" is a ripoff of this movie, this is the better and original version ;p ), and this is the poster I made for it. I usually make it together with Marius, but he was busy that day, but he made the description/text xD
Pretty neat, ey? ^^
Anyways, that's all for now! I'll try to be back soon with a new drawing, so stay tuned ;)
Jaa ne!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Light
And now I'm done with my second drawing in the challenge, Light ^^
I've just seen it on my mini laptop, so I'm dreading to see it on my regular laptop, I know there will be dousins of flaws xD
Anyways, this is Kurani, the WoW character owned by my hawk. I've written him a letter and bought him a birthday present, and I'll be sending it to him tomorrow I think. I think this will be the end of it. I need to move on, and it feels nice. Now that I'm done with this drawing I feel like I've cut the ties, I'm through :) Which is just as well, considering my hawk told me he's found another girl now. It was tough getting that slammed in my face, but I think it's made it easier for me to move on.
And now, I'm after someone else as well. I met him at new year's eve, as with my hawk, and he was actually the one I was originally interested in. Now that things went bad with my hawk, my interest for this other guy has awakened again, and once more I find myself the hunter, the wolf. This time the hunt isn't going so well, though. I was originally going to meet him yesterday, with a common friend, but something got in the way and he couldn't come. He's asked me out for coffee once, but I couldn't because of work, and I asked him out for coffee another time, but then HE couldn't because of work. So obviously, it's not going well at the moment, but I'm gonna fight this one, I'm not giving him up just yet, and I'll keep at it until I know for sure it's a lost case :p Here the other day he unexpectedly walked into the store I work, and I was caught so completely off guard, I just started shaking and couldn't say anything sensible xD Haha, it was horrible :P
Oh wells, that's about it for now ^^ Tomorrow there will be a info meeting in connection with school, and it will be my first encounter with my new life as a student ^^ I'm so terribly excited! I just hope I find the place and stuff, and pray that I don't get lost so I'll miss some really important things or something, it would bbe so typical xD Oh, and yesterday was (almost) my last day at work, it feels nice to be free again ^^ Hopefully I'll just get a month or two where I can focus on my studies, and then I'll find myself a part time job again =)
Okies, that's definitely all for now :p I'll have to go pack my things now and get on a train back to Oslo, and maybe once there I'll start on some sketches for my new drawing in the challenge, "Hunt", which I think seems like a fitting title for my current situation ;)
Take care!
-Ulvinnen
I've just seen it on my mini laptop, so I'm dreading to see it on my regular laptop, I know there will be dousins of flaws xD
Anyways, this is Kurani, the WoW character owned by my hawk. I've written him a letter and bought him a birthday present, and I'll be sending it to him tomorrow I think. I think this will be the end of it. I need to move on, and it feels nice. Now that I'm done with this drawing I feel like I've cut the ties, I'm through :) Which is just as well, considering my hawk told me he's found another girl now. It was tough getting that slammed in my face, but I think it's made it easier for me to move on.
And now, I'm after someone else as well. I met him at new year's eve, as with my hawk, and he was actually the one I was originally interested in. Now that things went bad with my hawk, my interest for this other guy has awakened again, and once more I find myself the hunter, the wolf. This time the hunt isn't going so well, though. I was originally going to meet him yesterday, with a common friend, but something got in the way and he couldn't come. He's asked me out for coffee once, but I couldn't because of work, and I asked him out for coffee another time, but then HE couldn't because of work. So obviously, it's not going well at the moment, but I'm gonna fight this one, I'm not giving him up just yet, and I'll keep at it until I know for sure it's a lost case :p Here the other day he unexpectedly walked into the store I work, and I was caught so completely off guard, I just started shaking and couldn't say anything sensible xD Haha, it was horrible :P
Oh wells, that's about it for now ^^ Tomorrow there will be a info meeting in connection with school, and it will be my first encounter with my new life as a student ^^ I'm so terribly excited! I just hope I find the place and stuff, and pray that I don't get lost so I'll miss some really important things or something, it would bbe so typical xD Oh, and yesterday was (almost) my last day at work, it feels nice to be free again ^^ Hopefully I'll just get a month or two where I can focus on my studies, and then I'll find myself a part time job again =)
Okies, that's definitely all for now :p I'll have to go pack my things now and get on a train back to Oslo, and maybe once there I'll start on some sketches for my new drawing in the challenge, "Hunt", which I think seems like a fitting title for my current situation ;)
Take care!
-Ulvinnen
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Ever Dream
And here I am again :) As promised, I'm in a much better mood now than in my previous post ^^ I'm probably not completely over it, but I'm feeling ready to put the whole thing behind me and focus on other things instead :) I guess I'm just feeling a bit lonely, and it was nice to have someone caring about me romantically for a change, but I guess love has its ways, and there will be another chance for me too. My hawk and I, we're still talking, although not so much as before, and not as intimately, but that was inevitable, and becoming friends is better than anything, I think. A reassuring thought is that we probably weren't meant to be anyways (I see too many conflicting things for that), and that there is a better match for me out there somewhere :) I just think he wasn't ready for it, I was just someone he could lean on while going through a breakup, someone to make the transmission easier for him. That's what I think, and it seems logical now. Maybe, if the circumstances were different, things might have turned out differently, but it's too late for that now, and I just wish him the best, and hope he can find someone to make him happy (although the vengeful part of me hopes I'll find someone before him... Just because I think that will make me feel less sad. I know, such a selfish though, but no one's perfect. Or so I've heard ^^) It was an experience nonetheless, though, and one I will treasure.
As a small gift (as well as sort of a token, somewhat a final break on my part) I'm making him a gift. A drawing, of course, as I know no other trade well enough :P His birthday is coming up very soon, and it will be my present for him. It's not a style I'm used to at all, and I'm spending a lot of time with it, purely because it's a very complicated drawing for me to make >.< But it's a great experience and I'm learning a lot from it, which is one of the main points of drawing. But anyways, it won't be done before his birthday, but I'll do my best to get it done as soon as possible. I wasn't originally planning on submitting it as a piece for my 15 drawings challenge, but I think I might as well, as it will probably fit with the theme "light" when I'm through with it, and besides... It will save some waiting on my watchers' part :P I didn't really want anyone to see it in the beginning, but that was when I was feeling horrible and down, and the piece felt more like something I should only share with my Hawk and no one else, but I'm moving away from that now, and that's why I might as well share it through my challenge :) Give it some days, perhaps a week, and I'll be done with it ;)
Other updates in my life... Hmm... Well, on a more depressing note... I somehow managed to start smoking... =/ Don't ask me how it happened, I suppose I had one too many tastes when at parties and such, and I've basically been missing something ever since I stopped snuffing (snus). At least smoking looks more delicate, although the health issues are more pressing... Oh well, we'll just see how it turns out ^^;
Tomorrow, Sunday, I will be visiting a friend of mine I haven't seen in a long while :) we've invited several of our mutual friends (including Thea, my roommate and best friend), several of whom I haven't seen in ages either, so I'm looking forward to that a lot <3 We'll be watching the whole PotC trilogy, but I'm mostly in for the companionship, I think it'll be a very nice evening :)
A couple of days ago I met an old friend of mine, Per. I haven't seen him for years, but he recently joined the military (garden?), and was placed in the city where I live. Due to my work I haven't been able to meet up with him before now, and I had mixed feelings about the meeting, but it went much better than I imagined. It turned out we had a lot of common interests, and he was particularly pleasant to hang around with :) Just the kind of guy that I like, slightly silent (but not too much! As long as they don't babble on and on, I'm pretty much okay), tall and strong (I've always had a weak spot for strong guys, I'm a sucker for the whole "protection" consept, I like feeling safe, knowing someone will look after me), tolerant and understanding... :) But these were just first impressions after several years of not meeting him, we'll see how I'll feel about him after a few more days of getting to know him again. If nothing else he'll make a good friend, and friends are always nice ^^
Geek as I am, I've wasted more money ^^; This time on a new notebook (mini laptop) <3 It's a Packard Bell Dot :D Didn't originally want to buy a PB, but I got it cheap (and besides... It's called "Dot"... how awesome isn't that? xD ), and I've been most happy with it for the two weeks or so I've used it ^^ Definitely worth the money, and it'll be great to bring with me when going to say, oh... school? :3 Which brings me to another subject... I've been accepted and will start studying Japanese! I'm so thrilled, and I can hardly wait to begin my studies <3 I just hope I'll be able to keep up and do well ;_; I'm so nervous of failing, particularly since there is so much more at stake now than ever, and this times there's money involved in the picture as well... but oh wells, I'll just do my best and try to have fun, and I'll just hope that things will work out in the end one way or another :) Wish me luck!
Sorry for the hopelessly long post, seems like I had a few things on my heart this time :) I could probably rant on for a few pages more, but I think they would just be boring complains, so... I'll have a smoke instead before I resume my drawing once again; I've been postponing it for too long already :P
Have a pleasant night,
- Ulvinnen
As a small gift (as well as sort of a token, somewhat a final break on my part) I'm making him a gift. A drawing, of course, as I know no other trade well enough :P His birthday is coming up very soon, and it will be my present for him. It's not a style I'm used to at all, and I'm spending a lot of time with it, purely because it's a very complicated drawing for me to make >.< But it's a great experience and I'm learning a lot from it, which is one of the main points of drawing. But anyways, it won't be done before his birthday, but I'll do my best to get it done as soon as possible. I wasn't originally planning on submitting it as a piece for my 15 drawings challenge, but I think I might as well, as it will probably fit with the theme "light" when I'm through with it, and besides... It will save some waiting on my watchers' part :P I didn't really want anyone to see it in the beginning, but that was when I was feeling horrible and down, and the piece felt more like something I should only share with my Hawk and no one else, but I'm moving away from that now, and that's why I might as well share it through my challenge :) Give it some days, perhaps a week, and I'll be done with it ;)
Other updates in my life... Hmm... Well, on a more depressing note... I somehow managed to start smoking... =/ Don't ask me how it happened, I suppose I had one too many tastes when at parties and such, and I've basically been missing something ever since I stopped snuffing (snus). At least smoking looks more delicate, although the health issues are more pressing... Oh well, we'll just see how it turns out ^^;
Tomorrow, Sunday, I will be visiting a friend of mine I haven't seen in a long while :) we've invited several of our mutual friends (including Thea, my roommate and best friend), several of whom I haven't seen in ages either, so I'm looking forward to that a lot <3 We'll be watching the whole PotC trilogy, but I'm mostly in for the companionship, I think it'll be a very nice evening :)
A couple of days ago I met an old friend of mine, Per. I haven't seen him for years, but he recently joined the military (garden?), and was placed in the city where I live. Due to my work I haven't been able to meet up with him before now, and I had mixed feelings about the meeting, but it went much better than I imagined. It turned out we had a lot of common interests, and he was particularly pleasant to hang around with :) Just the kind of guy that I like, slightly silent (but not too much! As long as they don't babble on and on, I'm pretty much okay), tall and strong (I've always had a weak spot for strong guys, I'm a sucker for the whole "protection" consept, I like feeling safe, knowing someone will look after me), tolerant and understanding... :) But these were just first impressions after several years of not meeting him, we'll see how I'll feel about him after a few more days of getting to know him again. If nothing else he'll make a good friend, and friends are always nice ^^
Geek as I am, I've wasted more money ^^; This time on a new notebook (mini laptop) <3 It's a Packard Bell Dot :D Didn't originally want to buy a PB, but I got it cheap (and besides... It's called "Dot"... how awesome isn't that? xD ), and I've been most happy with it for the two weeks or so I've used it ^^ Definitely worth the money, and it'll be great to bring with me when going to say, oh... school? :3 Which brings me to another subject... I've been accepted and will start studying Japanese! I'm so thrilled, and I can hardly wait to begin my studies <3 I just hope I'll be able to keep up and do well ;_; I'm so nervous of failing, particularly since there is so much more at stake now than ever, and this times there's money involved in the picture as well... but oh wells, I'll just do my best and try to have fun, and I'll just hope that things will work out in the end one way or another :) Wish me luck!
Sorry for the hopelessly long post, seems like I had a few things on my heart this time :) I could probably rant on for a few pages more, but I think they would just be boring complains, so... I'll have a smoke instead before I resume my drawing once again; I've been postponing it for too long already :P
Have a pleasant night,
- Ulvinnen
Friday, July 10, 2009
Hunt over and done with
and now I'm back home from faraway town Stavanger :) The trip was really nice, I had a really good time, and seeing my hawk again was a feeling beyond description, I've missed him =) Leaving wasn't half as pleasant, but it wasn't so bad, seeing I had had such a good time... However, somehow, I've feeling completely hopeless right now... Crying my eyes off and only a few hours until work =/
Let me try to explain (long rant coming up, beware). I guess the "creativity" part of this blog has been pretty obvious so far (15 pictures challenge, for example), and the "beguiled wolf" beeing myself. However, I haven't gotten to the "atrocious dreams" part before now. I'm dreaming a lot, and I tend to have vivid, detailed dreams which I tend to remember quite often when I wake up. A lot of these dreams happen to be pretty horrid nightmares, you know, the usual kind, being hunted, attempted killed etc etc. But a couple of nights in a row now the nightmares have changed into something else. Being ignored, abandoned, unloved... It's not a good feeling, waking up and feeling that the person you care the most about would rather have nothing to do with you.
However, it's just not because of the dreams I'm feeling like this now. And anyways. Dreams usually have a base in reality, they are, after all, the brain's way to process your dreams and thoughts throughout the day. I'm not sure why, but ever since I came back, I've felt that I've become less important, less cared about. Mostly just by one person. My hawk. It might be a silly feeling, I know. But it's the way it rolls. Some reasons I've come up with; did I do something wrong? Has he given up because of the distance? Is he more interested in someone else? (and I wouldn't exclude his ex here, as I'm pretty sure he's not really over her yet, and would do a lot to get her back. But this part here wouldn't bother me, I think, as I think it would make it easier for me to move on. The way it is now, I'm still going around, constantly hoping). But most of all, did he just tire of me? Or even got annoyed with me? I just wish I could be a completely different person sometimes, someone who's easier to like than the current me. I know I can be a pain sometimes, and I hate the way I act at times. So I just wish I could be more like people would like me to be, and maybe I wouldn't have lost my hawk either. I know, it's stupid. But I'm guess I'm in a mood now. I haven't felt this down in ages.
But what's there to do? Other than dry my tears, have some breakfast and prepare for work where I'll have to smile to a whole bunch of unknown people and pretend this is a fucking great day.
Expect a delay in my challenge.
(working on another project with a deadline, need to get that done before anything else)
- Ulvinnen
(Ps, next time I submit a text, I won't be so down, I promise :)
Just needed to pour my heart out to no one in particular)
Let me try to explain (long rant coming up, beware). I guess the "creativity" part of this blog has been pretty obvious so far (15 pictures challenge, for example), and the "beguiled wolf" beeing myself. However, I haven't gotten to the "atrocious dreams" part before now. I'm dreaming a lot, and I tend to have vivid, detailed dreams which I tend to remember quite often when I wake up. A lot of these dreams happen to be pretty horrid nightmares, you know, the usual kind, being hunted, attempted killed etc etc. But a couple of nights in a row now the nightmares have changed into something else. Being ignored, abandoned, unloved... It's not a good feeling, waking up and feeling that the person you care the most about would rather have nothing to do with you.
However, it's just not because of the dreams I'm feeling like this now. And anyways. Dreams usually have a base in reality, they are, after all, the brain's way to process your dreams and thoughts throughout the day. I'm not sure why, but ever since I came back, I've felt that I've become less important, less cared about. Mostly just by one person. My hawk. It might be a silly feeling, I know. But it's the way it rolls. Some reasons I've come up with; did I do something wrong? Has he given up because of the distance? Is he more interested in someone else? (and I wouldn't exclude his ex here, as I'm pretty sure he's not really over her yet, and would do a lot to get her back. But this part here wouldn't bother me, I think, as I think it would make it easier for me to move on. The way it is now, I'm still going around, constantly hoping). But most of all, did he just tire of me? Or even got annoyed with me? I just wish I could be a completely different person sometimes, someone who's easier to like than the current me. I know I can be a pain sometimes, and I hate the way I act at times. So I just wish I could be more like people would like me to be, and maybe I wouldn't have lost my hawk either. I know, it's stupid. But I'm guess I'm in a mood now. I haven't felt this down in ages.
But what's there to do? Other than dry my tears, have some breakfast and prepare for work where I'll have to smile to a whole bunch of unknown people and pretend this is a fucking great day.
Expect a delay in my challenge.
(working on another project with a deadline, need to get that done before anything else)
- Ulvinnen
(Ps, next time I submit a text, I won't be so down, I promise :)
Just needed to pour my heart out to no one in particular)
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